There are, furthermore, many persons among the poor who are possessed of a concessionary pass. By this means, those who are old, stupid, crippled, deformed or otherwise unfit may travel cheaply and frequently to excess. They are joined by those who neither work nor want in cut price jaunts and pleasurable escapades. Those rendered insensible by drink may find in any bus an audience for sentimental ballads, a steadying hand, a patient ear, directions to any location, a corner to sleep in and a floor on which to deposit their most recent meal.

Unwary travellers from other lands, not fully acquainted with our language, may inadvertently happen to board a bus. Unaware of the bus's true nature they will mistake both their fare and their way and be subjected to untold indignities en route while their final destination will be constantly in doubt. Such international incidents cannot help but usher in a new age of disharmony between nations.

We must therefore conclude that buses, far from being a necessary evil, are a cancer, gnawing the roots of all we hold dear. The impact of the Sunday service remains too horrible to contemplate.

As some of you know, I have totally fallen for someone named Melinda who I met on the web a few months ago, and she has fallen for me too. She lives in New Orleans, and I am heading over there for our first actual meeting next week. We've been talking loads over webcams, so I am not expecting any surprises, and she has not been put off at all by actually looking at me for hours every day. She's coming over here for two weeks at Christmas, and if things go to plan, we both expect her to be moving in with me here in London early in 2010.

My last pre-holiday work day is Tuesday the 27th, and I thought since I've not seen many of you for ages I would like a drink or two after work that day, somewhere central. Anyone up for that?